MAY 27th
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“You should consider, what prospect there is of his proving kind and affectionate to you; just, generous and attentive to your children; and, how far his connexions will be agreeable to you.”
To Lund Washington
Rocky Hill, 20 September 1783
Dear Lund,
Mrs. Custis* has never suggested in any of her Letters to Mrs. Washington (unless ardent wishes for her return, that she might then disclose it to her, can be so construed) the most distant attachment to D. S.; but if this should be the case, and she wants advice upon it; a Father and Mother, who are at hand, and competent to give it, are at the same time most proper to be consulted on so interesting an event. For my own part, I never did, nor do I believe I ever shall give advice to a woman who is setting out on a matrimonial voyage; first, because I never could advise one to marry without her own consent; and secondly, because I know it is to no purpose to advise her to refrain, when she has obtained it. A woman very rarely asks an opinion or requires advice on such an occasion, ‘till her resolution is formed; and then it is with the hope and expectation of obtaining a sanction, not that she means to be governed by your disapprobation, that she applies. In a word, the plain english of the application may be summed up in these words; “I wish you to think as I do; but if unhappily you differ from me in opinion, my heart, I must confess is fixed, and I have gone too far now to retract.”
Adobe Firefly
If Mrs. Custis should ever suggest any thing of this kind to me, I will give her my opinion of the measure, not of the man, with candour, and to the following effect. I never expected you would spend the residue of your days in widowhood; but in a matter so important, and so interesting to yourself, children and connexions; I wish you would make a prudent choice; to do which, many considerations are necessary; such as the family and connexions of the man, his fortune (which is not the most essential in my eye), the line of conduct he has observed, and disposition and frame of his mind. You should consider, what prospect there is of his proving kind and affectionate to you; just, generous and attentive to your children; and, how far his connexions will be agreeable to you; for when they are once formed, agreeable or not, the die being cast, your fate is fixed. Thus far, and no farther I shall go in my opinions. I am Dr Lund, &c.
G:o Washington
* Eleanor Calvert (she had been married to John Parke Custis, Martha Washington’s son; he died in 1781). Eleanor married David Stuart in 1783. — Fitzpatrick, et al., WGW
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